For some reason there is nothing more hysterical to me than loud noises at inappropriate times. The louder the noise, the quieter it is when the shit happens, the funnier. And really my brain is wired backwards anyway (truly I have this disease thingy called Left Bundle Branch Block, and I blame this for all things wrong withContinue reading “Banned from Christmas Eve.”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Road. Trip.
If there’s one thing Ryan and I don’t do well together, but insist on doing together constantly, it’s road trips. Like by mile 48 I am ready to impale him with his bluetooth, and he is ready to suffocate me with AAA stickers level of dysfunction. It all starts because I always have to drive. Like almostContinue reading “Road. Trip.”
@THE GYM.
Today I bolted into the gym like I owned the freaking place. Mostly because I drank a few bottles of water en route and totally had to pee, so couldn’t get through the doors fast enough, but I’ve pretty much paid enough in dues without ever showing up that I probably do own a large percentage, but mostly becauseContinue reading “@THE GYM.”
When You Both Work From Home.
Ryan: Why are you drinking white wine? Me: Because we are out of red. Ryan: No, I mean why are you drinking white wine at 3 in the afternoon? Me: Because I didn’t get home from the gym until 2. You’re right though, it’s kind of a late start*. Ryan: Shouldn’t you not be drinkingContinue reading “When You Both Work From Home.”
A Date @ The Shining House.
Today while Ryan and I were driving around to figure out why the entire town smelled like burning and was blanketed in smoke*, Ryan pulled over and randomly blurted, “Let’s go for a hike in the snow. I want to show you this cool place.” “What cool place, Ryan?” And he’s like, “The old abandoned fratContinue reading “A Date @ The Shining House.”
When Dillon Handcuffed Himself. And I Almost Went to Jail…
Dear State Trooper on Route 111 in Exeter, It must have been very startling to see a 40 something hysterical mother in an inappropriate bikini charge you screaming she needs a knife. Truthfully had I known the day’s events would have unfolded as they did, I may have worn a swimsuit more suitable for aContinue reading “When Dillon Handcuffed Himself. And I Almost Went to Jail…”
How to Boil Water.
Sometimes (several times an hour) I wonder how the hell Ryan is really a software engineer. Like seriously he can figure out convoluted computer thingies like how to zap a prescription from a doctor’s office in Dubuque to a CVS in Boston, but he doesn’t know how to boil water. I learned this today. When I wandered downstairs and Ryan sat in theContinue reading “How to Boil Water.”
Dearest Cherubs of Appreciation & Love:
Dear Jack, Will & Dillon: Being your mom is the best job I’ve ever had. Really. The biggest reward is not the huge paycheck, or the holiday in Hawaii you save up to send me on each year. Or the random dirty socks I find hidden about my house that perpetuate that “locker room” stench I’ve grownContinue reading “Dearest Cherubs of Appreciation & Love:”
Mom Is Mental (& a little drunk) 